Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
