i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
