her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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