Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
