i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
