I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
