Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
