Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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