Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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