What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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