i was rollin on her like bob the builder
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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