The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize