I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
