Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
