I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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