does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
