and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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