I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
