Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
