if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
