the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
