There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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