Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
