I wish I only lived at night.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
