does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
