i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
