i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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