You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
