My Higher Power is John Stamos
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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