Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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