so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We had sex on a dog bed..
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
