Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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