I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize