I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
