Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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