'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
