thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
