does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
