Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
