id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He did a backflip because drugs
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
