I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
