im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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