Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
