i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
