A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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