You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
