Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
