i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
