your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize