we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
