Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
