some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Blood and glitter go together right?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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