So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
ok first of all what the fuck
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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