I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
