i just sent this text using only my big toe
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
