Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
