Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
