i may or may not be watching the land before time
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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