can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
