You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
