You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize